Pain is a teacher

This thought seems to be on repeat in my head lately. Pain is a teacher as I've titled this set of thoughts. My jaw pounds and is sore like ripped up fresh torn meat, I can only imagine what surgery in other places must feel like. I have given birth to two son's. And I must admit tooth, and mouth pain are up there beyond even childbirth level pain. It is a road of endurance when it comes to the healing of the mouth pain. And so this time what it is it that Pain is trying to teach me? For this isn't my first go round with it. And each time there has been some sort of lesson tucked away in the physical process of healing I've often easily found the spiritual need and comparison. I feel my way through much of my life only in the last few weeks, months and years even consciously aware and trying to practice not allowing my emotions to rule me, finally learning to practice mindfulness and intentionality with my thoughts. And so on this yet again painful journey I'm embarking on with dentists and periodontist visits so frequent I've begun to think of the people in these practices as a grou pI should seriously pray for. That they are involved deeply in my life now of my choosing to find a healthier mouth. So I think praying for them is one of the least things I can do. Anyway

Fears

Dare I write whatever comes into my head? I want to. As the author of The Artists Journey suggests I want to have no place to go. No end in mind no form, just get it out of me free thought. The next step leading to the next step. In this case it's the next letter typed leads to the next word. And as she spoke about the unknown and the knowing I felt it. The artist in me wants to be reborn and grow and become who she is meant to be. But the regular old me with a life, and children and a family. Well that girl just go so tired she had to go away for seven days. No biggie right?

 Who wouldn't want a rest for seven days of no a/c no sleep a busted up kitchen falling in around me house, smells of dead rat and chipmunk on the regular from the cats cleaning out the basement and the yard. then there is the dog hair and the green carpet which you can never hide the white dog hair from. And to top it off a queen size bed in the Living Room because that is where the a/c unit needs to be most of the day and James isn't moving that thing around any more. 

Not after Sean broke one when he was trying to move one in for daddy that we had been given. Yea that day Sean yelled at me for having to go to the bathroom, tried it anyway without me and then he dropped the unit out the window breaking it. It might have been fixable but James never went out and got it, I bet expecting that Sean should do it but never telling SEan to do it. Boys, all of them. Even the animals are male. Male dog and 3 male cats...

 I've been over this. It's not new news You want the new news? Well it made me crumple over in laughter just now in the bathroom after I got a look at myself in the mirror. YOu want crazy I thought to myself and then died my h air bleac blonde and then added sapphire blue on top. Not at all k Ning what I was doing or even really following the instructions on the box that well. Fuck it I thought It'll be my way and I need this rebellion, it is just hair and it is my hair and I went away for seven fucking days so fuck everything I want to make my hair blue. This is fun and I see why my sister has her moments. She is locked into medication routine now, because of her antics. Why did I think acting like her would change something for the better.That thought in and of it self is enough to tell you things didn't go well. And while I want to get back to creative writing exercises and all that jazz, for now every single time I try to free write I journal about the events that lead me to seven days away. 

D-22 it'll be called in my book I said. That was the painted office number on the walls. Do the nurses even see that number? I cleaned that hall. I cleaned my own room, and bathroom. they were filthy when they stuck me in there to watch. I mean what crazy person cares about if the bathroom is filthy or not. This one did. My hotel or incarceration whichever I choose to call it, well it was worse than a jail cell. I had no idea where I was or why I was there really only that they kept giving me shots and I had bad reactions to this shot. They gave it for anxiety but I was so sleep deprived I was fighting sleep at that point and no drug seemed to knock me out. Until they found Zyprexa and didn't tell me what it was. I took it finally after 3 days no sleep inside. I had to clean that bathroom to use it. I had to move my bed over to think of even getting any sleep on that horrible bed.My worn out 18 year old bed is a damn shame of a bed, but it rocks compared to the piece of shit they call a bed in that place. D-22 my hall, it was filled with nurses and Dr's and assistants and jobs I could've had with a high school diploma, the watchers, the baby sitters. Yea I could've had her job. 

Dana one of the watchers couldn't stand me. It was obvious. And she didn't know how to remember anyone's name. Inside those walls it was my job to know everyone's name. Once they put me or rather I finally accepted going into population I made it my business to k now and remember anyone I talked to. I had nothing to do but observe and so as I watched I memorized their names and I was good at it. The other watchers were more kind than Dana. I coulnd't figure out why she didn't like me, but there always seemed to be one, who either played the role of bad cop because sometimes I really felt the roles were mapped out for them in some secret manual. I saw things when I got there. I saw things differently when I left. They can say it was the meds, but they can also say it was my brain. I say it was the sleep I finally got. One night 10 hours of sleep. 

I left populations worn out from it, overwhelmed even  and they locked me in that private watchable room and covered me up with 10 blankets. And added a heater, thank you Ashley and I slept 10 whole hours. Ashley was hard for me. She was Snow White beautiful and her name just happens to be the one that is the girl at the work that I feared my husband at least had a long conversation on the phone with by the snooping I stooped to at one particularly hard part in our relationship probably a few years ago now. And so I associated this nurse. Associations are my strong suit and inside that place it became my way of navigating the unfamiliar world. I was forced to call home for seven days. Truly thinking about it now that isn't that long compared to the hours of sleep I have lost over the last almost 5 years of my youngest son's life. I cannot count the hours. it is too hard, but when he was born my whole world change, and I didn't go for help I wish I had gotten help after that. The dog became my enemy when we finally got home after a 1q0 day hospital stay. I thought my sweet and loving Brittany spaniel was out to eat my baby alive, he seemed like a wolf not a dog to me. Those thoughts should have gotten me to a counselor, but in this house we don't do insurance and doctors and dentist. We do preventative eating healthy and taking olisl. Not cheap either way , but my husband's family has all but. Been killed by Dr's according to him and his view of life, so we don't pay ahead for insurance when we may never even need it. I wonder how much m y medical bills are now. A seven day stay and a state funded hospital can't be cheap and over night at Kenedstone Hospitla to get me to said state run facility called Riverseide HIlls in Cedartown. The country side is beautiful. That ride up that way was something. My mind was falling out. I had no idea where they we're taking me. My mom and I Had colored pictures in a Looney Toons book together. She had come bac, but my husband hadn't come. No one was taking me out of the Hospitla as I hoped. She even said the picture she colored me was about going to Greece she heard it was cheap to go there. But it wasn't to be. It was all a false dream to comfort me. And so I away I went on a vacation to the mental hospital. Only this time it wasn't a private run hospital cushy, and a place I barely survived a four day stay 21 years prior. NO it was state run, because that is where people with no insure and no money go. Riverside HIlls was nice enough in appearance. But I f you looked inside as I did. Fully insane in one way and yet aware of everything on the other hand, no one would believe her we will give her some good letters after her name and no matter what she says it'll all just be like it was a dream. What do they think about the insane? Should their place be less than, just because of mind trouble. I had sleep deprivation. I was dangerously close to returning to the monster I had been 21 years ago., only I Had experiences,  I had stories of my sister and her getting out of trouble with the law. I had her running away and going missing under my belt. I knew the extremes of insanity ... And for a while I was pl.aying aw game. When did the game end and my control lost? When they police came the final time and I was taken to the hospital. When they wheeled me int here and I was calling on every famous person I knew to come and get me out. Even Oprah and Gelennon and my beloved Reese. Witherspoon were not immune to my ratings. One nurse at first I could see her pity and then her sadness that someone like me was going through this. This , this thing that I was going through the was so loud and painful that women are crying it so loudly that I had to turn off the news. I gave up. Morning news shows because women like me are crying out and saying it is enough that we do everything for our men and they get away with raping and misusing us and taking advantage of us and paying useless. And and and. And became my cry on social medial. I lived just enough to of this descent into madness online that I have a pretty good suspicialn most folks think something was up but not sure if they should as me or not.I was not ever suicidal and for making anyone think I was for that I am sorry. But I had to go away. Just as the wind must blow the flames and the fire must spread where God lead sit. I felt like I was in total control of the HOly Spirit at one point. I was out of my mind and thinking Jesus was leading me to his hospital to save it. So I cleaned up. I wrote them an note. Book. I wonder if they kept it. Things changed after I wrote that note book. Maybe it was me who changed, but something changed I saw Achmed as kind, even though I knew his faith was different than mine I made my own shirt that read #LoveWins in sharpie on a plane white T they gave me. I wore borrowed clothes. I wore things from my sister and finally the shoes my husband brought me. The shoes after getting ant bites from goin in the garden barefoot and getting a nasty thing in my foot and pulling it out and. Washing my feet and using tooth paste to clean them. He finally brought me my ballet flats he had bought me and I was better. He showed even though eh wouldn't visit me while I was so crazy at Kennestone he came and brought me shoes. I hung up on h I'm in ther I would talk to him and he'd make me angry and I would just hang up. I treated him horribly. But he brought me shoes and then the next day he brought me my tooth brush and by then I knew I would do whatever it took to get back home to my men. To my boys, house of boys. Yes, but it is my house. I clean it, I wash the clothes and the dishes I do my own laundry and theirs, I keep up with dinners and appointments and bills. I pay the phone bill when he says and the gas bill, I take care of a household of men. I wear the dress and pull the strings 

as ATwood says in her book The Handmaids Tale, I watch it on Hulu and it is a picture of a future she hopes won't come true and yet a statement of today and what is true. America is on it's knees to the gods of greed and fear and shame and regret and punishment. The powers of this world are taking us to new lows and the ones rebelling are not helping they are only pushing us further back into a century we don not want to go back to

Sunday Thoughts

I think about Palm Sunday, and the palms laid before Jesus as the king the Jews were hoping for. I also think about my palms being open to Him. The Jewish people wanted an earthly King, they wanted someone to come and fix their problems on earth right now. Their circumstances found them under the rule of the Romans when Jesus walked this earth. And they were looking for a messiah of political and military proportions. They were looking and they missed Him because they couldn't see that He came to bring a whole new Kingdom about, one that our earthly minds can't begin to understand. I think about my garden and all the parables Jesus told about planting sowing reaping and the condition of the soil to accept the seeds planted. This has been the season of preparing the soil for me and my little patch of dirt. It's not a big garden, but enough for me to feel like I've planted something and can watch it grow and see the beauty of creation and hope for at least one homegrown ripe tomato sandwich from my garden this year. I'm no farmer, certainly a kind of new gardner. I've been playing around with patches of dirt since I went home from college the first time, and even more the time I was home with a new baby during the day and working at night. My mom just has a natural green thumb, and as I watched her I saw something besides all the hard work, and I wanted it. I hoped one day to have my own patch of dirt. My own family, my own home, my own husband, my very own. I was blessed to have their support while my oldest was a baby and until he was about four years old. But even during that time of great blessings I wanted more... I envied any woman I saw with a wedding ring on. I thought to myself "how did she land a man, and I can't" when truthfully I had landed a few men by that time in my life, only I'd gone about it all my way and ended up in all the messes you can make going your own way. I found one after another that couldn't hold a candle to a love that I held as perfect. And truthfully that love was more flawed than I can even begin to describe. But as one of my favorite authors Glennon has said, I was young and I forgive myself. I know God has long since forgiven me, it's just the me, I have to keep forgiving. But the condition of the soil parable is ringing in my mind as I was hand hoeing up the dirt in my little garden. Not even a very big spot, mind you, as a lot of my garden is covered in cilantro and mint that I don't want to stop growing, so my patch for planting new things is really small. But I live in GA, and on the NW corner of the ATL area and the dirt is orange, and filled with clay. So this soil isn't rocky but it might as well be. It has plenty of rocks and tons of clay and very little good black dirt as I call it. But it was time to break it up as Easter rapidly approaches late this year in comparison to the last few, I wanted to plant at least by then. Hoeing dirt is hard work, especially by hand. And maybe because I'm reading through the scriptures or maybe we'd talked about it at church recently or maybe just The Holy Spirit whispering while I hoe, see this dirt, do you think if it could feel that it would like what you are doing? And the earth felt like a heart, and I saw hardened hearts getting hand hoed by God, and his love. I love that dirt, I want it to grow the plants I have for it. The weeds can stay in the entire rest of the yard, but that patch, I have plans for it. I have saved seeds from last season, and I think about them as I sweat and get that dirt to yeild to the work of my hands. And I think to myself, Lord thank you for working on my own hardened heart, thank you for the pain, for the heartache, for the suffering, for the distance in friendships and in my marriage, for not being able to trust anyone it YOU. I can hear YOU whispering I only have plans for you my child that are good. There are beautifully flowers to grow and fruit and vegetables to sprout from that dirt, but my dear child your dirt has to be ready, and I'm sorry but this won't feel good for a while. This won't feel like love maybe for a minute. I raise the hoe over my head and come down hard on that patch breaking of the clods of clay. I hear you Lord I whisper. I trust you. No it doesn't feel good to have a softened ready pliable and ready to grow heart, but I trust you. I trust you to plant just the right flowers and just the right fruits and vegetables, so that when others see me they'll see that something that I saw all those years ago watching my mother plant her own garden. I wonder if she knows what I know? I think perhaps she does and maybe every gardner with imperfect soil knows that the hoeing up  and preparing of the soil for the seeds is just as important as following the directions when placing those seeds in the ground.  April 14,2019 ojm Published Sunday June 16 2019

My mother has a great YouTube video to share

I am only writing a few intro lines in hopes you will go watch the video on YouTube my mother did for CBN. My mother wrote a book. No One Visits the Mother of a Drug Addict In it she tells the story of my brother's addiction and then redemption story. We have a miracle story. Now my brother and mother have both had interview's on CBN. Please watch and share this it could save a friends life. The books are available on Amazon. I can get signed copies but I do need about a week's notice to get them signed by mom before mailing them to me. If you'd like to know more please comment or send me an email. 

Find the link here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=TP9bHVplpyI

The Dream

This line either from a book from a favorite author or from the Bible I can't be sure about He will redeem you in front of the very people with whom you hid in the dark, is on repeat in my head, just as the song line from Cornerstone "I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but only trust in Jesus name" is on constant repeat. It is a comfort to have those words with me now with all that is swirling, all the things I see, and all the things I seem to just know now, and that God seems to keep showing me again and again through my devotional and His word as I read through the Bible again this year. It is different this time reading through. I've had 5 more years of experience and trials tribulations as well as many many miracles to think about. I've seen my infant son born a preemie go from tubes everywhere and with in only a few days out of NICU and with me and then home in 10 days. I've seen my oldest spared disasters that he can't even begin to understand by the cops stepping in at his young age of 18. I've seen him quit marijuana and obey the rules of his probation. I've seen my husband go from so selfish I was beginning to hate him and think there was no way that we would make it one more month much less another year to a servants heart, serving me and my family on Mother's Day out of kindness in his heart, understanding and not because he had to. I've seen God continue to change me, a wretch like me who doesn't deserve any of the grace and mercy He keeps affording me. I've seen so many miracles in just 5 years. A field of dreams in Haiti, once just an idea to help orphans have a home and food education and care, to a reality. And now maybe God will choose to do one more miracle. Maybe He will choose to allow me and my girlfriends from over 20 years ago, who once partied and hid in the dark to go to Haiti and love those very orphans. Maybe He will choose to honor one more. Miracle in my life. Either way I will choose to trust in Him. I will continue to place my faith in the one true Living God. I will ask continually for His help with the idols I continue to hide under my garments and excuse by my period as RAchel did. I will continue to give him all those I love and seek His will fist in my life and ask that He continue to finish the work He began in me and in my family and each person I love. That He will indeed redeem all those I love and care about. From the closest relative to the furthest friend. Even my very enemies, the ones I'd rather never speak to again, I pray that He will do the work necessary to turn them towards Himself. Even those from my past who hurt me, and those whom I loved and chose to do the wrong things with. My heart aches for everyone I know to give their lives to Jesus. Because I've seen how He's made a difference in my life. Because getting to know Jesus better every day is the very best thing I can do for myself is do my devotional read the word, pray, breathe in The Holy Spirit, Rest in His loving arms at the start of each day. I can choose to keep busy and not stop right now, it's an easy one to excuse in THE Spring, after all anyone above 20 can see that this is how the cycle of a year goes. That each Spring just as new life and green begin to pop out everywhere, 

For the love of the word

The WORD was with God in the beginning. So Jesus was in the beginning of the beginning.... And the word that is written represents THE WORD in one way or another so in reality all created things point to THE WORD being Jesus. All creation sings Jesus... And yet the written word is powerful, the pen more powerful than the sword it has been said. And worth remember because certainly the tongue holds the power of life and death. So the words that we put upon the page matter. And as one who creates in my mind pay homage and honor to God our creator with what we write. As we learned some in choir this past season about our excellence before God as singers and musicians and so with the writing there is the honor and glory due God in all we do. As unto The Lord is the phrase that reminds me from His word that everything, every single thing I do can be done as unto the lord and in that case be done for excellence as a sacrifice of praise and thankfulness that God just woke me up this morning. I was given breath, life, limbs, home, food, water, sunshine and rain, earth to dig and yeild it's fruit trees and flowers and animals to brighten my day. Is there not something for which I can find to be thankful? Even in, even so, and especially so in those times of hard, those times of distress, the one where the rug is ripped right out from under your feet. When you are no longer dealing with one thing, it turns into three so fast then might as well be ten because soon you are swimming in shit so deep you can barely see above it let alone breathe anything but shit any more. So float I said, float above that shit, for now go basic, find thankfulness for the air you are breathing and the water you are drinking and that it is another day which is another chance for something that could help to change your life for the better if you'd only open up to the things that are right in front of your face. See the beauty in the baby kitten, not just glance and keep going, see it, deeply look and undo the moment only to rebuild the moment again in order to fully examine it for all the beauty ands splendor that this little creature brings to your life, then see the sunshine again appearing after a fresh rain, how green everything is this time of year, the earth screams life, even in the middle of great despair and unimaginable pain the flowers still bloom the trees are growing new life it is spring and time to remember resurrection of life and the true power there is in knowing what Resurrection can truly mean for someone suffering so deeply and purely as you. I said be the kind of friend to yourself right now as if you were helping your best friend through the a time of greate distress. Be extra good to yourself. Give yourself credit for every tiny thing you do today. You got your work done check, you took a shower, check, you ate something check, you read something, check you talked to your friend again, check and so on and then give yourself grace for everything else that needs doing and just focus on what you have done check check check and the day will again turn into another new day and you will find your way through the garbage that has tried once more to bring ou down, but not you, you are too strong for that and this one will not take you under either. As sure as anything I pray that you find your way to God, I hope He will meet you in a way that you didn't think humanly possible and that the prayers of your mother would be answered as you surrender your will to the will of Jesus.As I pray for Him to draw you it is my request that He use His loving kindness to do the drawing but as I am not God I confess to Him once again for you that I know His will is best and that I can trust His ways are higher and timing perfect and that all I can continue to do is surrender my desire and wilt o Him and ask that He honor

Gardening Metaphor

This post was written in my journal on July 15, 2017. I'm finally sitting down to type it up and share it. I want to say hello to everyone first, and also to say I realize I've been absent from blogging, close to 3 years now. My only excuse is full time motherhood. Like it or not, I'm a one thing at a time kinda gal. I've missed it, the writing, sharing, and feedback especially, but for the time I was away it was necessary in order to be a new mommy to my son who was born unexpectedly premature. That's another story maybe I'll share sometime. For today, I hope you will read this and get the message I'm sending and take it to heart. I hope you'll comment if you feel like it and share if you think it might help someone else.

Deep Breaths in and out! Here goes:

After a two week vacation at the beach, I headed out early that first Saturday morning back home, to get the mail. It was pretty full, but I noticed an official looking document right away. I took a few moments to read it and found out that the post office was giving us notice that our shrubs and trees around the mailbox were not appropriate, and that they interfered with the mail delivery. At another time in my life I might have just tossed that note and laughed, you see understanding authority hasn't always been my strong suit. But I took a minute and decided I had been putting off dealing with those bushes and shrubs and wild trees for some time now; and truthfully they were killing my clematis that I wanted growing there. I recognized it as a problem and decided heck, I'd been on vacation long enough so it was my day to tackle this project. It was the middle of July and I knew any yard work is better done predawn here in GA. The heat can only be described as "knock you down" so when the temps rise above 98' F with the humidity added on top, it will make you swoon. I gathered my tools, a shovel and clippers and asked if anyone (my husband mainly) wanted to come help. 

                                 

He was worn out from going out with his buddy the night before, so he stayed in where it was cool with the baby. So I got my attitude straight; and said to myself "you are Wonder Woman after all let's do this". By the time I got out there it was already stifling hot. I thought a deep sweat might be good for me so, I began anyway. I started with the clippers, trimming all the tall trees back and cutting those shrubs down to size. I remembered doing this very thing right before I had Jase, he was born in July, 3 years ago and I thought "wow, was that the last time I tackled these shrubs? No wonder they are so big now." After I'd clipped them back, I tried to pull them up, to see if all the recent rain might have made the roots easy to just pull, they did not budge, these were deep and strong roots. So I got out the shovel. I was in flip flops, but determined not to go back in until I was done. I went to digging, around the roots, on the roots, not making a lot of progress but thinking if I kept at it I'd get it done. 

I kept wishing for those professionals to return, the guys who were here for weeks digging new gas lines, with their big "Snorts"as Jase calls them, would've had this done in minutes. 

                                   

It was hot humid and sticky with no ocean breeze to cool me off like I'd had the previous two weeks in NC. I dug at the cold hard clay steadily removing unwanted plants and roots, and still two roots wouldn't budge.  I don't know how long I was out there before I decided it was just too much. The roots had taken hold and my little frame was fighting a battle I couldn't win. Finally, tired and sweaty I gave up and came in to ask for help and get some water. My husband sent our 17 year old son, Sean out to help me, I didn't even make it back out in time to oversee what he was doing. When I did go back out to see if he'd dug up the roots completely like I wanted, I was not surprised that he hadn't. I expected as much, and frustratedly began again to try and rip those roots out. Cussing and fussing at those damn roots digging and crying, hot angry tears falling down my cheeks, mixing with sweat and red GA clay. What a hot mess... But, while I was physically digging this gardening metaphor came to me lightening fast.  

Our troubles, hurts, hang ups, and habits are like those shrubs and trees. God is the mailman in this story and He sends us notes in the mail (The Bible). So, if we will take the time to read it, it will give us directions to follow to keep the mail flowing properly (or life flowing well) So first you gotta read the note. Then you have to get the proper tools (therapy in some cases) to dig out the roots. If you can't afford therapy you have to get your own hands dirty. Not everyone can or even wants a therapist helping through some of the troubles we face. Some of us have had therapists before and maybe like me, have learned an awful lot, it's just a matter of putting it into practice over 20 years of learning to heal. My first set of tools were not enough. I got down on my hands and knees and dug at those roots myself this time. I have had alot of experience fighting some of my demons, and some are very deep wounds. You can dig around it, you can use your clippers your shovel but sometimes it's too much to bare alone, the heat, the sweat and the pain; it's all too much, so you ask for help from friends and family, but most often like that day they can only help so much. Sean helped me, but he didn't dig the roots completely out. I knew in my head if I didn't get them all the way out that they'd pop back up again. I wanted to be done with them that day! Just as when you are dealing with roots in your own heart, your friends and family can't be expected to get that root out for you either. They help, and especially for a person like me who needs her friends support, they can help you along your healing journey, but it's not even their job to do it.

So just as in my healing life I had to go back out again, after having some water, putting on my sun hat, grabbing a different shovel and my gloves, I had to go back to digging on my own. I got even dirtier this time, on my knees digging with my hands covered by my gloves to shield me from getting bitten by ants in the process. I felt hot, and angry and even sad, but I didn't run from it this time. I stayed right there feeling that earth knowing it was filled with bugs, I kept my hands covered with gloves so the bugs couldn't get me -maybe bugs are fears- (this is a new thought today) I hate most bugs and for sure I hate fear, fear of failure, fear of getting hurt again, fear of doing and saying the wrong thing, shame and fear, yea those are the bugs you need to protect yourself from during the healing process. So you dig,(write, bead, create something, coloring, go fishing, or whatever your healing activity looks like) until you find the bottom of that root, get back up use your shovel again and even fall on your ass a time or two (I literally fell on my ass trying to dig up those stupid roots by the mailbox), but still you don't give up, that was only a small bump. You get back up wipe your ass off and go to digging again. All the while telling God you hear Him loud and clear. You hear His voice speaking through the physical act of getting to the physical roots in the ground- you seek healing with His help - only to finally realize - one of those roots is too old and maybe today is not the day to dig that one up. Maybe today to keep the mail box standing(maybe you or your family are the mailbox); you let it go, realizing it will spring up again and you will have to face it again in a few months because it is so strong and so deep and so old. Maybe today you just needed to start again.

                                               

It certainly looks like I did a lot of work and it certainly looks better from the average view. But I remember that the root is there, I covered it up and only God and I really know it is there. Only God and I can truly dig that one up. Instead of constantly worrying over that root, as I have been known to do, this time I give it to God, again and again letting it go, giving it back to Him. Asking for His help when it springs up anew. Asking Him for His will this time, getting ready, and preparing with more time with Him. So maybe when it does come back I can truly cut that sucker out completely, with better tools next time. Or perhaps, know - that one root is my thorn like Paul talks about, to keep me usable and soft for God's voice and His purposes. Perhaps, to keep me awake and aware no longer blinded or numb but sure that it's there and with out God's help realize that certain things will not change; with out a miracle from God, that thorn will always be with me to keep me sensitive, kind and hopeful that God's GRACE is indeed sufficient for every last root problem we face. 

“And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

II Corinthians 12:7-10 NKJV

http://bible.com/114/2co.12.7-10.nkjv

(Notes: the images are all mine taken on my iPhone; I'd like to say all the thoughts are entirely mine, but like all art I feel I must give credit to a couple of my favorite authors who've helped me along this healing journey over the last several years: Ann Voskamp, Glennon Doyle, and also Life's Healing Choices by John Baker; I highly recommend any of their writings.)

Can you identify with this metaphor in anyway? If so I'd love to hear from you in the comments. Thanks so much if you made it all the way through!!! 

                                      

New blog post over on wordpress

Check out my newest post on my wordpress blog here: Welcome 2014 Happy New Year everyone!

Taller than me

Practically the entire world is taller than me at just 5'1' it's not a hard thing to accomplish. I don't mind being short really, I kinda like the package I'm in these days. Now I can admit, it was hard being the shortest in class and being made fun of (yeah kids are mean) but I survived it and I think a lot of my spunk came from those days of teasing. I had to learn to fight somehow, to bite back and so I can pull out spunky little ole me when nice me isn't working well in any situation. It reminds me of High Point Market  this past October when my friend (from twitter) Carissa saw me get my ire up with my mom, she said something like wow where'd that fire come from, what oh what's the word she used something like spunky, or feisty, yeah feisty that is it. I take feisty as a huge compliment... My mom said something and it hit a nerve and I just let spunky me respond. It happens, sometimes even at my age...
All of this is getting  to a point really it is. So here I am 5'1" a mom of a 13 year old boy. All of his friends tower over me, heck even our neighbor Audrey who is a year younger than my son is 5'8" already. I walk into his middle school a little afraid of all the other kids still to this day. I feel like I belong in the principal's office every time I set foot on that campus and that one of those big kids are going to get me... I try not to go to his school, but he has had a few discipline problems this year and I do love his chorus concerts. Although I'm happy to report I haven't had to meet with  the assistant principal yet this year. It's early in the year I know... He came home with another detention notice for... yea none other than talking. I can't imagine where he gets that talkativeness from?
This morning before Sean left for school he said "mom am I taller than you today?" This isn't new, all year he's been hoping to be taller than me. If you think being short as a girl is tough then can you imagine being a boy? I pray for him that he won't get my short genes, and that he will reach his potential height of 6' something one day. I'm sure being in middle school and shorter than all the girls is not fun at all. I know he isn't the first 13 year old to be shorter than all the girls, and it is common at this age, but he is my boy, and I see his struggle.
Back to this morning. He asks again and then we turn around back to back, and before Audrey even says it, I know it, I can feel that he has reached a height taller than me. Yep today is the day my son is about 1/4 inch taller than his mama! It is a big day! If he keeps growing at this rate he will be 7' tall!
But those markers on my kitchen wall are there as a reminder. I see the marks of time passing. I see his growth in height and his growth from a little boy to a bigger boy and on his way to manhood. I hugged him so tight this morning. I told him, "I know in a little while you will have to bend down to hug me, what am I going to do then? You are growing so fast son, right in front of my eyes, how can I stop it? I can't stop it, I can't put a big enough weight on your head to hold you down." As for my compassionate son, this time he didn't pull away, he hugged me back, he held me tight. He must know it too. This marching of time that's happening so fast that it's making my head hurt and I feel like my heart is about to burst. He was my little angel not so long ago. He was the one who helped me wake up and become a better person. Sean is the reason I kept going even when it was too hard to go on for me, he's the reason I want to keep becoming a better person. Yeah I know the world's  answer is to do it for yourself, to get better for you, but I want to heal for him, for future generations of my little family, for his kids and his wife and his children. I want to become the best person I can be because I want my son to be proud of me one day again (when it is cool again to like your mother). I want him to hold me up as an example to his kids like I do my own mom.

My son Sean, I think he looks very tall in this picture! 

Again I find myself writing about my son, about our life, about the real stuff. I don't get inspired to sit down and write as often as I'd like. I keep finding that what inspires me most right now is Sean and the lessons I'm learning by being his mother. I have many other jobs that I take care of like being the brand ambassador for  Help 4 Haiti, Inc, working with my parents in their businesses, writing content, cleaning house, taking care of our Woodstock Market booth and that list goes on... But, here in this moment, after Sean is gone to school, I know what the most important job is for me right now. In the quiet there is no doubt that being my son's mother is the most important job I'll ever have. It's the hardest and most rewarding at the same time. I'm so grateful for my other mommy friends in real life and for the internet including social media(even with all the negative press) because of all the wonderful writers I have found who write about their lives. being a wives and mothers and somehow they manage to reach out and encourage others. I could literally sit around and read great blogs all day from people like Glennon Melton, Ann Voskamp, The Hands Free Revolution, and The Time-Warp Wife, because these ladies get it, they understand that being courageous and sharing our struggles out loud with one another is a great way to encourage each other. I know I am not alone when I read their blogs. I know that I'm not the only one seeking answers and hoping for the best for our children and families in this crazy world we live in. The whole world feels like it is against us these days, so having a little bubble of good words to read makes it better. It truly makes life "brutiful" as G(sorry Glennon but I feel like I know you) says. So I'm inspired to keep writing, even if it's not that great, and my grammar is wrong, because when I write the truth about my life I feel free. And my other hope is that one person will read this and feel less afraid of what is coming next with their kid. That one lady might just feel a kindred to me(as I do to my favorite writers) and be less afraid to love with all her heart, no matter what the cost. This was my status post on Facebook yesterday.

Day 6: I'm thankful for my son Sean! I'm thankful for messy awkward 13 year old life, and that God loves each one of us even in the midst of our messy awkward life at any age. I'm thankful for the lessons I learn each day from my boy and how since the day he was born, I recognized what unconditional love truly meant. That is this: if God loves me more than I love my son, then WOW! What a love that must be! Thank you God for your love for me and Sean today and always!

I'm taking time each day to be thankful ( a joy dare from Ann Voskamp), and yesterday in spite of the roughness and complications that being the mom of a teenager can be God helped me stay thankful. Thankful for the mess for the awkwardness of being a part of a teenager's life. And you know what, instead of being angry when he came home with that detention slip because I had just bragged about how awesome he was on Facebook that day ( has a way of happening like that to me) I remained calm. I was thoughtful with his punishment and super proud of the way I handled it. So Thank you Ann, Glennon and the writers of all the other "mommy" blogs (there are too many others to list) ((which by the way I can't stand that title, so let's think of something sexier ok? )) for being you, for writing real truthful blogs from the heart, for motivating me to be a better mom and for just being willing to share your struggles with me! I am learning every day to do better and thanks to a great community of friends online as well as offline too we are making it... As momastery says (and I quote so often these days people probably think I'm in a cult or something now... go Monkees) "We can do hard things.... together" and don't forget to be "brave and kind".
And then there is this too... Yesterday was one of the first days I remember being absolutely thankful for my past. I've kinda said things like yea it made me who I am, no regrets and so on yada yada, but yesterday morning as I was having my quiet time it washed over me, this thankfulness for each and every circumstance in my past, not just the good stuff, but even yeah even the really hard, stinky stuff and messes I made... Because you see that is truly what made me who I am today. That is who God made me to be.  And loving my irritable, ornery, grumpy, hormonal teenage son is teaching me that if I love my son like this, and God loves us more than our moms, then WOW! What do I have to be worried about my past for? God loves me even when I'm yucky, even when I'm not such a good mom, when I stumble and He loves me even in my failings.  Because really there is no doubt in my mind that no matter how much taller my son gets than me he will always be my son, he will always be that little baby who helped rescue me from my own self, and NOTHING can change the love of a mother, no matter who he becomes or what he does with his life, I know I will love him as much as I do now, if not more as time goes on... Isn't God good to give us daily examples of HIS LOVE for us? Here it is in His word for us to see:  Romans 8:38-39

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Did you get that list? Do you see it there in His love letter to us? Nothing can separate us from God's love through Christ Jesus! NOTHING! So today be thankful with me, just be thankful for every little thing and most of all be Thankful for God's love for you. It is real and it is healing and a power that changes lives. May hope light your way today! Bondye beni ou! (God Bless you)

The End

Yesterday my son left to get on the bus for the end of his 7th grade year. He's 13 and until recently wanted me to tuck him in every single night. I kept tucking him in for years after most parents probably stopped because I remember never wanting my mom to stop tucking me in, so I've clung to tucking my kid in like a safety blanket I wanted to never lose.
He came home one afternoon recently and started telling me something, I was trying to finish a little bit of work, but something in the way he talked made me stop. At first I thought it was going to be another call from the teacher or that he'd gotten into trouble for something at school. But he assured me that wasn't it. He stammered a little and then finally got it out. He said "Mom, I like a girl." "Oh?" I said, probably raising an eyebrow. He then went on and explained in a hurry that he liked her and didn't know what to do because they were friends. He asked me how I felt when I met daddy.... I smiled and said "oh son, you aren't ready for that yet, but I can tell you when it came to puppy love for me, it seemed as real as if the stars were falling from heaven and that that boy in 7th grade was surely the one I'd been searching for all my life." I'm obviously a hopeless romantic... He continued on and wanted to know if he should ask her to go out, what about the friendship, would she still like him if it didn't work out? Instantly, I was in flashback mode, remembering those days, almost feeling as if I was 13 all over again. I remember what a tumultuous stage of life it was, but the liking the boys part, that was mostly a lot of fun, (except for the many heartbreaks part) but let's focus on the positive here. So I explained to him that if he really liked her and thought the friendship was worth the risk then to go for it, I told him "you only live once son so take chances and remember to be brave." (that brave part I got from recently reading Carry On Warrior, Thoughts on Life Unarmed)  All the while inside wanting to cry, instead of giving him advice on how to win his girl. But, I managed to not shed one single tear in front of him. He's 13, and I realize he doesn't need to know how it feels to see your baby grow up, just yet. He is still my baby, he will always be my baby, but a girlfriend, yeah that's serious growing up stuff here. So, the next day he comes home happy! I mean overjoyed, and I knew this time the little girl was smart enough to say yes to my perfect little boy. He told me how it went down. He told me details that are in my personal thought treasure box forever. Yes, it is the end of some things but also the beginning. The beginning of wondering if I've taught him the right things, if I showed him how to be kind, gentle, respectful and considerate of girls. Thinking about him making bad choices or possibly changing his future forever with one wrong turn is not new, but more prevalent in the forefront of my mind as he gets older...
Just this past week, he all of a sudden stopped wanting me to tuck him in. So in the end, this part of our life came to an end, really naturally on it's own. I was beginning to think he'd be 20 and I'd still be coming to tuck him in, but in his own time and in his own way he told me it was time. I think it's the girl, but that is ok, that is a part of being a mom that you expect to one day will happen. That day when your son sees other girls besides you and really really likes them... It's something that is supposed to happen, so I'm trying my hardest not to ruin what naturally is supposed to happen. Even though I must admit I'm just a bit jealous of this shift from thinking I'm the number one greatest girl in the whole world... But I'm grateful for the knowledge from watching my brother and mom that he will love me forever like no one else.
And now I have to let that little girl inside of me who still needs to be tucked in go. I have to tell her we are all grown up now, and it's ok. It's going to be ok, but somehow through tears and joy and beautiful moments, yes it will all be ok. I have taught him as much as I know how, sometimes the wrong way, sometimes the right. Everyone tells me what a good kid he is, and how respectful and kind and gentle he is for them. I am like most moms who don't see it... He is a normal 13 year boy old with me, which is a pain in the butt most of the time. But I love that kid more than words can describe. And, although it's the beginning of the end of our middle school journey, I somehow feel like this kid of mine will make it and choose good things and make good decisions.
I'm beginning to learn to trust. I am not good with trust. I am better with worry. But I know the damage worry does. I've seen it in my life and in my loved ones' who also struggle with worry. I want to wake up every day and turn it over again to The One who has it all figured out. I want to trust that God has given me the ability to be the best mom for my son, because he is my son. I want to simply rest and trust.

Sean at the lake looking all cool in his shades

I'm hoping to have a spectacular summer with my son. He will come home today and tell me all about going to the movies for a "double date" with his best buddy from school and both their girlfriends. I had to let go, I had to trust God for this day. I had to give it back to Him when my mind was screaming "he's too young for this, you should take over and not allow this." I am praying a lot more than usual today. I'm praying to try and not worry. I can't wait for my son to walk through that door and tell me every little detail. When I think about that I smile and it helps me remember how blessed I truly am.
What do you worry about concerning your kids? Is their getting older troubling you or beginning to make you feel old? Share your thoughts with me in the comments. I know I'm not the only mom in the world who feels these things. I hope sharing our journey will help us all! May you have a day filled with peace....Thanks for reading!

#OlioHop for #CharityCauses

Helping Others Visualize What's Needed to Go from #Sad2Smiling

I was excited to be invited to join February's newest #OlioHop on olioboard.com. Myself and 9 other bloggers have been joined together for Monday's #OlioHope to use olioboard to demonstrate our charity projects to possible donors and others interested in helping our cause. Olioboard is a free online tool that allows users to create 2D and 3D visual boards called moodboards to show how a room might look with furniture, accessories, lighting, rugs and many other interior items that can be selected and placed in the virtual room. You first choose a background and then begin to search for items that you would like in the room. Olioboard makes it so simple to shop with several different ways to select items included on the site and a convenient browser clipper that allows you to choose any item of the internet you want to use.
I am pleased to be showcasing my dreams for a future orphanage that I hope to help build this December in Onaville Haiti. The before shot is of the empty concrete room much like many of the structures I saw when I visited Haiti in December 2012. I also included some photographs on the before board from my recent trip to Haiti. The actual orphanage we visited, as well as the future site are featured on my before moodboard.
I realize that I'm Dreaming Big for my orphan friends in Haiti. There is no way to furnish this orphanage with our limited budget of $100k furnish as well as build the way I have designed it with the finest items available to me. The only way to do this #oliohop I decided  is to just dream as big as I can. I imagined that my connections on twitter with super stars like Kathy Ireland, Nate Berkus, and Oprah Winfrey have found out about Help 4 Haiti's new orphanage project in Onaville Haiti and decided to donate a million dollars or two to our cause Help 4 Haiti New Covenant Mission.

Before 

Help 4 Haiti began about 3 years ago right after the earthquake occurred in Haiti. My father went to Haiti about two months after the earthquake took place to try and help rebuild and minister to the people there. After my father returned he began sharing his passion for helping those in Haiti to rebuild and have a better future. We began Help 4 Haiti on Facebook and soon after started a twitter account @HaitiOrphanHelp. Our mission is to help feed and support 175+ orphans in Haiti. We are seeking partners to help us in this mission to sponsor a child for $35 a month.  In December 2012 I was a part of a team of 6, that included my mother, father, brother and two friends from our local church Blake and Erin, who were able to return to Haiti and continue the work my father began. It is a trip that changed my life and has given me a new perspective on the things that really matter. My husband and I have been supporting an orphan in the orphanage that Help 4 Haiti supports. I cared about Haiti before I went there and I thought I had compassion for the people there. But until I went and visited and met the people of Haiti, I realized I didn't really have much compassion after all. I will never forget the day I met Youcanlove Delva(the boy I support in Haiti) or how I felt when I thought that the picture I had been praying for was a real actual little boy. He is 10 and very little for his age. But he is strong. He grabbed a hold of me and hugged me and didn't want to let go. I didn't want to let go either. If you want to read more details about our mission trip please visit my previous blog post Letter to a friend about Hope4Haiti2012 Mission Trip. While visiting Haiti, we were told that our orphans are being asked to move from their home in Croix-Des-Bouquet, Haiti. Thankfully Pastor Estecuer Olistin of New Covenant Mission Baptist Church in Haiti has been given land to build on in Onaville, Haiti. We were able to visit the new site and see that the foundation has just begun to be built. Pastor Olistin explained that for $100k he can finish building and furnishing the orphanage. It is Help 4 Haiti's new mission to help raise the money needed to accomplish this dream and to return in December this year to help build the new orphanage.
I thought about what kind of theme I'd go with if money were no option. I've always wanted an explorer or adventurer room for my own son, so I began to build the new orphanage dreams around this idea. Thankfully my mom Nancy Chalmers, has been an interior designer for over 30 years. I am so blessed to have been learning the craft from her all my life and working with her at Niche by design for the last 4 years. I asked for her help on this project because I know if we had the opportunity in Haiti to make this dream come true, she would be the one I would ask to make sure each detail in the room was perfect. I chose a bedroom setting to show how it might look in our dream orphanage. Even though this is a dream board I still wanted to achieve functional elements of design as well as incorporating things that would stimulate the children's minds. I wanted to include things that would help them to want to explore and learn and grow.

After 

Can you see the smile on the girls face I chose for my board? I hope one day to see the smiling faces of the children I met in Haiti this past December again soon. It is my dream that we can help create a future filled with hope for these children. I know by myself I can't help the thousands of orphans in Haiti, but I can help one. You can help too, by choosing to join us in our cause.

There are three ways you can help

1.  By donating towards building the new orphanage in Onaville, Haiti 
2.  Giving $35 a month to help house and feed an orphan 
3. Consider going back with us this December to help build the new orphanage in Onaville, Haiti

Donate online to Help 4 Haiti: http://www.crowdrise.com/haitiorphanhelp/fundraiser/oliviamillwood 
  
To see more examples of how to use Olioboard's free site to showcase in either 2D and 3D what your own #CharityCauses might need from potential donors, please click on the other 9 real world #CharityCauses that these 9 other designers in the hop with me are working on by clicking on their blog links below! 

#CharityCauses #OlioHop  

 http://wandrdesign.com/ 

http://nyclq-focalpoint.blogspot.com 

http://www.blulabelbungalow.com/ 

http://www.turquoise-la.blogspot.com 

http://www.decorartsnow.com/ 

http://customizedwalls.com/blog/ 

http://www.dwellwithdignity.org/blog/ 

http://pattijohnsoninteriors.wordpress.com/

Valentines Day with a 13 year old?

Sean 2 days old

My son was born two days after Valentine's day 13 years ago... He has been my sweet Valentine present every year since that day. This is the first year, that I remember, that he's asked another girl to be his Valentine. I'm sure I'm not the first mom to have to tell her son that he will always be her Valentine no matter what another girl says... I could see from his expression that he was really hoping she would say yes. He hasn't been throwing a fit or in tears like I might have been at 13, but there was a hint of disappointment in his voice when he told me "Well she said no mom, so I guess no Valentine this year"  What a silly 12 year old girl to not take my sweet handsome boy up on his offer...
For my son it is a bit of a let down, but for me at least it is one more year that my baby remains my best Valentine gift ever! I'm sure in a few years I will look back on this year and wish I was his only love again.
So I hugged him extra tight this morning on the way out the door and reminded him he is loved... Any other suggestions how to cheer up his teenage heart? I want him to be happy today and enjoy his birthday coming up in two days. We are headed to the beach for his break, so I'm hoping once we get there he will forget all about silly Valentine let down.

Sean,  My baseball player! 

I was about to share this on Facebook when thankfully, I remembered my son is also on there as well as most of his friends. I imagined what an embarrassed boy he'd be if he read that I was telling everyone about his first mini heartbreak... So before pressing post I thought better of it and decided to turn a Facebook post into a short blog. Y'all won't tell him will you? LOL!
I turned to my blog to share because this is one of those moments as a mom I don't want to forget. I want to hold on to his childhood a little longer and I am trying very hard not to totally freak out that we are suddenly in the teenage years... Some days it's like he was born yesterday and on others it feels like it was so long ago. So for this Valentine's Day, and maybe even my last one, I get to keep on being my baby's only love.

Our Home Made Valentine's Day Cards

I pray I teach him how to love well. I pray my husband and I show him how loving couples behave. I hope beyond hope that when my son does finally get his Valentine to say yes that he picks a Princess worthy of my little Prince Charming's love.
 Tell me your Valentine's Day stories with your kids in the comments. Thanks for reading and may your day be filled with love and chocolate!

Preparing for a Mission to Haiti | Guest Blog post for GoGirlfriend

I am honored to have been asked to be a guest blogger for GoGirlfriend travel website. Thank you again so much Julia Rosein for asking me to do this seriese to share our story of our mission trip to Haiti this past December 2012. Read the blog post here on GoGirlfriend.com:
Preparing for a Mission to Haiti | Guest Blog post for GoGirlfriend

Map of Haiti (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Letter to a friend about #Hope4Haiti2012 mission trip

(I received a note on Facebook from a trusted friend wanting to know more about Haiti; as He & his family are considering a trip... I am using my response as a base for and the beginning of the first online digital account of my trip to Haiti. I am sharing the truth as I see it and would tell any friend. I hope you can see through my words how grateful I am for the life changing experience I had in Haiti! Bon Dye Bon Tou tan! (God is good all the time!)

Dear Friend,

What an awesome thing to think about! A trip to Haiti is an experience you will never forget!!!
Our team plans to go back & help build the orphanage on the new site in Onaville. We hope very soon... We only need to raise 100k to build it & furnish it... Only!
You are right about so many words! So many experiences... I can briefly tell you that I will never be the same & I'm so thankful for the way God opened my eyes while I was there.
We learned so much about what to do & what not to do and found each person's strengths to benefit the team in a way we couldn't have really imagined before hand... We talked about a team of 50 coming back of all ages... Our thoughts were anyone from 12-13 and above... There are things there I'm not sure a 9 year old needs to see... Openly happening on the street as you drive by. As a parent you know your child & perhaps he/she is mature enough to handle it... But I'd strongly caution you to think about it before seriously considering bringing a kid under 12. I'm 37 and I thought I had walked a wild side of life once a long time ago... But there is absolutely nothing in America that will prepare you for this....
There is a beautiful tourist side of Haiti and its like being in Puerto Rico resorts after landing in San Juan... You can go to the beaches for a fee... But after you get to know the people of Haiti you see beauty in every face & on every street & corner in Haiti...

God made us all! He loves all the little children of the world!
We stayed with Pastor Estecuer Olistin that my father knows and has worked with since going right after the earthquake. We sang in the church my father helped rebuild the foundation for (one bucket bucket bucket at a time) every night that we were there! Yes worship every single night!
My first journal entry read something about how awful dirty & filthy such a beautiful place had become on earth... Why did God let any of us live... Least of all anyone who could destroy paradise.... By weeks end I wanted to run & not get on the plane. I wanted to call my husband & have he and my 12 year old son move there... I saw the people of Haiti through Christ's eyes... First hand getting to know the people kind of seeing...

Onaville, Haiti (the foundation of the new orphanage has just begun)

My eyes were opened and I saw myself no better than the dirtiest beggar in Haiti... I was awakened in a way that is hard to describe. I honestly pray I will never ever return to who I had become because of hurt & failure... I really became a daughter of the King of Kings in Haiti... I see those children like one of the songs I heard on 104.7 the fish that inspired me to finally make the decision to start raising money and go to Haiti "Kings & Queens by Audio Adrenaline"
I haven't even begun my first blog yet so I may use this as my first post... I'll call it Letter to a friend about #Hope4Haiti2012
I am now a Haitian American. And if you choose to go and see for yourself you Will See!!! You will understand God's love in a whole new way... I went to give love & hope to orphans before Christmas. I received the greatest gift I've ever gotten!!! Real joy & love found in the faces hearts and kindness of the people I met in Haiti... And how Christ can help us to show love in extraordinary ways we didn't think possible...
Hope I didn't go on & on but there is so much more.... Ill share my blog once I finally get it written.... I hope to write a series of blogs about my experience. With every post I hope to gain awareness about the needs in Haiti & spread hope to those there by continuing to give & have others join our team!
Hope you have an amazing 2013!
Blessings & Love,
Olivia

Help 4 Haiti December Mission Trip 2012

Dear Family and Friends,

We are excited to announce that we have an amazing opportunity to go and serve over 175 orphans in Haiti this December during our upcoming Christmas season mission trip! Right now we are in the process of planning some back-yard bible club type of activities for the kids each day, encouragement studies for the local women and assessing some future construction plans for the orphanage. The orphanage has been given property by the city of Port Au Prince to build new spaces to give refuge to even more of the 750,000 orphans that still remain in Haiti after the 2010 earthquake.
This past year the Chalmers Family has been raising funds for the orphanage by promoting individual sponsorships of children that are currently housed there. We look forward to finally going and seeing so many of the children that are currently being sponsored by some of our family and friends! One of our main goals is to bring hope to the orphans and the surrounding communities by sharing with them the love of Jesus. We hope to reach not only their physical needs by providing christmas presents to each child and giving out food in tent cities but to also meet the much deeper spiritual need that is represented in the devastated nation of Haiti. We feel called to not only send things to the orphans but to also “visit orphans... in their affliction” as it says to do in James 1:27.
Please consider prayerfully joining us in this endeavor however God may lead you. We would love to acquire a team over these next two months that will commit to pray for us as we prepare for this trip. Feel free to contact Nancy at nrc3353@gmail.com for more information on joining our prayer team. Feel free to contact Louis at chalmers_L@comcast.net for more information on giving a financial contribution. Be sure to put Haiti Relief Trip in the memo line of any checks. Our financial goal is to raise over $5000 for this trip. Let us know if you can help in any way!!!

God bless,

Louis, Nancy, Andrew Chalmers and Olivia Millwood

Help 4 Haiti 

@HaitiOrphanHelp

Please vote for me to become the 9th Style Spotter for #HPMkt

Remember you can help me become the 9th Style Spotter for High Point Furniture Market this fall by voting once per day on olioboard.com

 Please vote for me! The Contest to become the 9th Style Spotter for this Fall’s High Point Market in NC has begun and will run through August 22. I will need daily votes to stay in the top 8! I’m thrilled to even have made it into the contest, but to be on the front page of an olioboard designer challenge after the first day of voting is awesome! A very first for me as well on any contest I have entered on olioboard so far. So let me thank everyone who has already voted for my board! It means so much! This is a tough contest filled with other talented designers. We all want to win, but I hope that you my friends and readers will help me make it to the first spot by the end of this contest. Thanks for all the support and I hope you won’t get burned out with me asking for votes on twitter, facebook, pinterest and google+

 VOTE FOR ME!

#MomHop #OlioHop Spots for Mom to escape to using Olioboard

Good morning! I hope you've grabbed your coffee and are ready for a little fun with #MomSpots for our Monday #OlioHop.

I have an active 12 year old son so I understand the desire to have a space of your very own. When you are a mom, it can be difficult to even begin to find a serene spot in your home to enjoy just the things you love or just unwind. Here are a few dreamy moodboards I've created on olioboard that I think any mom (especially me) would love to escape to! The first one is a recent creation. I designed it to be a multi-purpose office/craft room.

"#MomHop #OlioHop Serene Craft Room and Office"

I thought with enough storage and organization one room could be used for both. I love beading, creating custom jewlery and making glass pendants for necklaces. If you are into crafting, then you already know that with this hobby comes lots of little things that need to be available to use to make your creations. I fell in love with the Bella Display Cabinet from Old Biscayne Designs on this moodboard right away. The glass lends itself to making it easy to see what you have stored and yet create a way to put away all those things in a gorgeous piece of furniture. I can just imagine the shelves lined with my beading supplies arranged neatly in separate storage bins. If you'd like to check out more of the items on this board once you click on the moodboard, you can see a list of the items below to discover what other designer brands I used in this and my other boards. 

"Client Living Room Board"

 The moodboard above was inspired from an actual client's living room. We designed this room for our client with the special intent of making it a room in the house just for her. Every other room in her home needed to be child friendly as she has two small little boys under the age of 4.


From the initial concept all the way to the finishing touches; the main specification for us as designers was to create a little haven for our client. We told her, this is one room you get to say is off limits to your boys. This is the one room you can escape to when you want a moment of peace and quite. Every time we go back and visit with her she tells us that this is her favorite room in her home. The wall color is even a relaxing favorite from Benjamin Moore paints called woodlawn blue.  

This next moodboard I created after reading Jennifer Duchene's book "Le Chic Cocoon" If you are looking for ways to create your very own #MomSpot then you should definitively read this book!  Even if you aren't a mother it's a wonderful inspirational book with pointers on how to get started creating your own "selfish space". It also makes it very clear that it is okay to want and need a spot of your own. I think we are so often taught to be unselfish as women in general.The book really opened my eyes and explained why having a "selfish space" is vital for everyone in the family, not just me! 

"Stanford Furniture Julie Browning Bova Collection" 

I hope you've been inspired by some of my moodboards to create some of your very own dreamy moodboards on olioboard. Please make sure to #OlioHop on over to these other fabulous design bloggers for our #MomSpots #MomHop. We all heart comments! Thanks and Happy #OlioHopping...

#OlioLove 

Lesley of Chaotically Creative

Kate of Dabble In Chic

Marilyn of Design Magnifique

Julie of Simply Savvy

Colette of Frugal Finds

Joanne of Home Styling 101

Antoinette of Push Interiors 

Katrina of Seaside Interiors

Selma of Selma Hammer Designs

Stacy of Stacy Naquin Interiors 

Michelle of Fashion House Interiors

Jennifer of Jennifer Reynolds Interiors

And the Winners Are: All of us! Thanks to olioboards Get Organized Contest

Head over to olioboard.com and vote for these fabulous organization themed mood boards! There is only a few hours left to vote so get to it! Plus you might just pick up a few ideas to organize your own space while voting! I have my favorites voted for and found some amazing ideas for my closet as well as my living room and the rest of my house!
Have a great week! I hope to join in the next #OlioHop so stay tuned for my next entry! 


Thanks for reading and Happy Voting and Organizing!