Thursday, May 23, 2013

The End

Yesterday my son left to get on the bus for the end of his 7th grade year. He's 13 and until recently wanted me to tuck him in every single night. I kept tucking him in for years after most parents probably stopped because I remember never wanting my mom to stop tucking me in, so I've clung to tucking my kid in like a safety blanket I wanted to never lose.
He came home one afternoon recently and started telling me something, I was trying to finish a little bit of work, but something in the way he talked made me stop. At first I thought it was going to be another call from the teacher or that he'd gotten into trouble for something at school. But he assured me that wasn't it. He stammered a little and then finally got it out. He said "Mom, I like a girl." "Oh?" I said, probably raising an eyebrow. He then went on and explained in a hurry that he liked her and didn't know what to do because they were friends. He asked me how I felt when I met daddy.... I smiled and said "oh son, you aren't ready for that yet, but I can tell you when it came to puppy love for me, it seemed as real as if the stars were falling from heaven and that that boy in 7th grade was surely the one I'd been searching for all my life." I'm obviously a hopeless romantic... He continued on and wanted to know if he should ask her to go out, what about the friendship, would she still like him if it didn't work out? Instantly, I was in flashback mode, remembering those days, almost feeling as if I was 13 all over again. I remember what a tumultuous stage of life it was, but the liking the boys part, that was mostly a lot of fun, (except for the many heartbreaks part) but let's focus on the positive here. So I explained to him that if he really liked her and thought the friendship was worth the risk then to go for it, I told him "you only live once son so take chances and remember to be brave." (that brave part I got from recently reading Carry On Warrior, Thoughts on Life Unarmed)  All the while inside wanting to cry, instead of giving him advice on how to win his girl. But, I managed to not shed one single tear in front of him. He's 13, and I realize he doesn't need to know how it feels to see your baby grow up, just yet. He is still my baby, he will always be my baby, but a girlfriend, yeah that's serious growing up stuff here. So, the next day he comes home happy! I mean overjoyed, and I knew this time the little girl was smart enough to say yes to my perfect little boy. He told me how it went down. He told me details that are in my personal thought treasure box forever. Yes, it is the end of some things but also the beginning. The beginning of wondering if I've taught him the right things, if I showed him how to be kind, gentle, respectful and considerate of girls. Thinking about him making bad choices or possibly changing his future forever with one wrong turn is not new, but more prevalent in the forefront of my mind as he gets older...
Just this past week, he all of a sudden stopped wanting me to tuck him in. So in the end, this part of our life came to an end, really naturally on it's own. I was beginning to think he'd be 20 and I'd still be coming to tuck him in, but in his own time and in his own way he told me it was time. I think it's the girl, but that is ok, that is a part of being a mom that you expect to one day will happen. That day when your son sees other girls besides you and really really likes them... It's something that is supposed to happen, so I'm trying my hardest not to ruin what naturally is supposed to happen. Even though I must admit I'm just a bit jealous of this shift from thinking I'm the number one greatest girl in the whole world... But I'm grateful for the knowledge from watching my brother and mom that he will love me forever like no one else.
And now I have to let that little girl inside of me who still needs to be tucked in go. I have to tell her we are all grown up now, and it's ok. It's going to be ok, but somehow through tears and joy and beautiful moments, yes it will all be ok. I have taught him as much as I know how, sometimes the wrong way, sometimes the right. Everyone tells me what a good kid he is, and how respectful and kind and gentle he is for them. I am like most moms who don't see it... He is a normal 13 year boy old with me, which is a pain in the butt most of the time. But I love that kid more than words can describe. And, although it's the beginning of the end of our middle school journey, I somehow feel like this kid of mine will make it and choose good things and make good decisions.
I'm beginning to learn to trust. I am not good with trust. I am better with worry. But I know the damage worry does. I've seen it in my life and in my loved ones' who also struggle with worry. I want to wake up every day and turn it over again to The One who has it all figured out. I want to trust that God has given me the ability to be the best mom for my son, because he is my son. I want to simply rest and trust.
Sean at the lake looking all cool in his shades
I'm hoping to have a spectacular summer with my son. He will come home today and tell me all about going to the movies for a "double date" with his best buddy from school and both their girlfriends. I had to let go, I had to trust God for this day. I had to give it back to Him when my mind was screaming "he's too young for this, you should take over and not allow this." I am praying a lot more than usual today. I'm praying to try and not worry. I can't wait for my son to walk through that door and tell me every little detail. When I think about that I smile and it helps me remember how blessed I truly am.
What do you worry about concerning your kids? Is their getting older troubling you or beginning to make you feel old? Share your thoughts with me in the comments. I know I'm not the only mom in the world who feels these things. I hope sharing our journey will help us all! May you have a day filled with peace....Thanks for reading!


  1. Awe....I know how it feels.I just saw my son after HPMKT and sitting across from him at lunch I was just amazed.The thought that ran across my mind was where is my lil boy?This is a grown man I'm talking to very handsome one I might add lol enjoy him as much as you can Olivia.Great post

  2. Thank you so much Alicia! It's so good to hear that other mom's feel the same way I do, no matter how old our boys get or how tall or manly I think we can all see them as that little baby we once held in our arms! Your comments and encouragement means so much! xo

  3. I write a blog which I have entitled “Accordingtothebook” and I’d like to invite you to follow it. I’m already following you.

  4. What a wonderful post Olivia! :) Summer is the perfect time to bond with your kids and so glad to hear your story! Enjoy your summer... and don't blink.. it will all be over! :(

  5. Ronique I am just finding this comment! Thank you so much! I have been slack writing this summer! Hoping to get back to it this fall! Thanks for your comment and encouragement! :)