Friday, June 25, 2010

The ugly truth about insecurities

Insecurity what an ugly word! Yet it follows me, it haunts me and often plagues my life with doubt and ruin. Focus on your insecurities and it is a sure fire way to make you and everyone around you miserable! To tell you the truth I am good at it. I want that to change. I would like to be more self confident. I would like to not let every little down moment make me feel as if the end were near. I know the truth about insecurity so why then do I let it creep into my life and make me into an evil monster.

This morning for example, I was feeling low and like my husband doesn't really love me. This is a big no no! He loves me, for sure! He married me after all and puts up with all my shenanigans. He takes good care of me and my son. So why is it that I concentrate on thinking that he doesn't care?

Today is Follow Friday on Twitter. It is one of my favorite days because everyone show's their love to their favorite tweeps. After feeling low when my hubby left for work, I jumped on twitter and began to show love to my favorite tweeps. They in turn show me love back. Something small maybe but it turned my day completely around. Encouraging to say the least! To think that these people are willing to say such nice things about me. WOW!

So what does that say about me? Am I that shallow that I need constant approval from others? How do you find security in yourself? How do you feel confident even if no one is telling you that you are great? These are questions I need to find the answers to. I don't think you can answer them for me. I don't think a self help book or Dr. Phil show will magically fix this issue for me. I believe it is a life long journey to learn who I am and to love myself. First accepting myself for who I am and then learning how to be a better person.

I have always thought of myself as a depressive writer. I have always identified with Edgar Allan Poe!(not that I've ever written anything as powerful as him) You know the kind who only writes anything when they are down. I'd like that to change too! Perhaps blogging will help me with the discipline of writing and help me to learn to write about the happy times as well as the sad times. I'd like to share one of my favorite poems by Edgar with you:

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away In a night,
or in a day, In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
Edgar Allan Poe

My dear friend on twitter Jill (@jm_healy) wrote a blog recently about unconditional love. It meant so much to me. I think focusing on where true Love comes from is a good place to start. Seeing myself through God's unconditional loving eyes has a way of turning my frown upside down. She mentioned the love chapter in her blog from 1 Corinthians 13. That is such a powerful set of verses. Maybe I should begin my day there!

Again, Thank you for taking time to read my blog. I hope by the next time I write to have a happy story to share with you.

Do you ever feel like it is hard to write when you are happy? Are pain and sadness good muses or just companions I need to kick to the curb? Please leave me a comment and tell me what you think! I'm always interested to know who is reading and what you think.

Happy Friday to you all! May your day be filled with sunshine and good times!


  1. Wonderful writing!!! I agree, it is so hard to write without significant emotion behind it ... whether it is love, insecurity or even hatred ... it gives you something to be passionate about. Keep on writing, girl! I really enjoyed it!

  2. Very balanced writing for a day of blogging sister dear :) I am still mulling over some of the truths. The poem will probably take me a couple of times to really let it sink in. I like the personal goal to blog daily to try to express the good and the bad of your day. It sounds very human to me. God does value you. I heard from him today and he says so. He is always wanting more time with us. I think he liked it better when we worshipped him sunday, wednesday and sometimes even in between. You are God's pleasure. He created you to be his pleasure. He loves to hear you sing, and so do I! (I think he did that to you on purpose:) Hold my ankles any day sister dear!